Why does it seem like the week before you go on vacation, stress just skyrockets? Seriously? Is it a mechanism to make one appreciate that week off even more? Is it because I wrote that I wanted to "coast" this week and the work gods are avenging me?
I've been making lists in my head which range from groceries to mapquests to finding activities and festivals to attend.... I've been rehearsing packing lists, errand lists... getting the dogs ready to go in different directions list...
And then I had a meeting yesterday at work. I'm part of a senior management team that gets together to discuss staff/organizational issues, except... here's the awkward part... I'm not senior management. Or maybe I am? The group consists of me, my boss and her Northern counterpart (Area Managers) and the owner. We ended up discussing issues relating to the performance evaluation metrics of Branch Managers (me)... This is the first year we've been held fast to numerical "goals" and ... I'll be honest... there is some unrest among my ranks. Except no one is really voicing that. There seems to be resounding support when the discussions are up, and an undercurrent of grumbling and discontent below. And I hear both. And as part of this committee, it's my responsibility to speak up about these issues that are affecting the morale of the organization. But, with my boss and hers looking on....I felt under the microscope. Under pressure. Awkward. I was explaining this undercurrent... this feeling... amongst my coworkers of doubt, uncertainty, negativism, all while trying not to rat anyone out... while trying to sound like "it wasn't just me" ... while trying to still maintain a sense of professionalism. It was tough, and I showed some hairline cracks sometimes.
I haven't gotten this shaken up about work in a long time, and it's definitely a feeling I don't want to go back to.
Things are smoothing over with time, awkward silences... but yeah....
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